Thanks for the Enlightenment, Slut-Shaming Mom Mrs Hall!

so i read that post - the one Mrs Hall wrote to explain to teenaged girls in her community why she had unfriended them from her boys' facebook  (basically, that her boys were helplessly in thrall to their hormones and couldn't be trusted alone with cute girls).

i'm not posting a link because i don't want to give the satisfaction - but you've probably already read it anyway but you have got to read this rebuttal by Iron Daisy:  http://theirondaisywrites.wordpress.com/2013/09/04/fyi-if-youre-a-teenage-boy/  -- i just about died from laughing!

i wasn't sure at first - on the surface, Mrs Hall seemed to make a lot of sense.  it seemed nothing more than motherly concern... and then i thought "wait a minute, what kind of family checks out teenaged girls' braless selfies around the dinner table?!" and it all started to unravel.  i mean, even when i had to go hardline on one of my kids, it was between her and me; i didn't go dragging out everything all over the dinner table and ask for  committee approval and the only ones i absolutely forbade her from communicating with again had no business talking to her in the first place!  (not kidding).  when she finally got herself sorted, that was it - end of subject, here's your internet back, don't ever make it necessary for me to do that again.

i was upstairs making chocolate muffins (and experimenting with replacing the oil with puréed mandarin sections - didn't work but they did well as part of the liquid) and i thought about girls who commit suicide because of embarrassing photos posted online and i thought about ppl who lost jobs or job opportunities or clients or whatever bec of stuff posted years before and i thought holy fuck - even rape has a statute of limitations!

in california, aggravated (type 3) rape carries a 3-yr statute of limitations:  if no charges are laid within 3yrs, the rapist walks free.  if he posts a picture of the victim, there's a chance she'll be dead within three years and if she's not, she could be 30 years older and here comes her grandchild asking "is this you, gramma!!!?  what's he DOING to you!???".

and i thought about girls dressing skanky.  i've always thought that there is an element of responsibility when a girl dresses in a sexually provocative manner.  i'm not saying that "men are pigs" - i'm saying that to go into a club where ppl are drinking, doing drugs, and basically ensuring they are not in full possession of their normal good judgment is rather tantamount to walking into a burning building carrying a gas can.  i figured it was that element of provocation - kind of like how someone gets the crap kicked out of them but then the court finds out he'd been taunting the guy for the past three weeks - that resulted in reduced sentences.

but then i had an epiphany!  a blinding burst of enlightenment!

ppl who rape prostitutes and sexually promiscuous women shouldn't get reduced sentences - they should be punished even more harshly!

think about it.  who gets the worse sentence:  the guy who robs a bank or the guy who robs a lady on her way home from shopping?  the one who steals smokes from a convenience store or the one who steals smokes from someone's house while visiting?  drugs stolen from a pharmacy or from some little old pensioner while doing the house cleaning?

in all three cases, the business crime nets the higher sentence.  why?

because the goods were there for the asking - all you have to do is meet the contract!  if you want money from the bank, just meet their lending criteria.  if you want drugs from a pharmacy, get a prescription.  if you want cigarettes from the store, hand over the money.

prostitutes and sexually promiscuous girls ARE willing to have sex with you - you just need to meet the requirements (hint:  regular use of soap and water is a good start).

so not only did the aggressor commit violence against their person,  but it was *gratuitous* violence.  all that was needed was to buy the girl a drink or hand over a 20 or a 50, and there you go - sex on tap.

instead, no - you had to go beating her up.

why?  because that's what Mrs Hall told you to do!  she's written you a Mrs Hall pass!  remember:  you're just a man so you can't help yourself from acting on your impure thoughts!


i was so amazed by this realization, i had to go eat some muffin batter.

sometimes it's just better not to know... y'know?

seriously.

Afraid of dogs? Get past it!

My youngest daughter was born afraid of animals.  Didn't matter what kind, large or small.  Couldn't even have stuffies in her room without her screaming herself purple.  I'm not talking a year old, here - I'm talking a month old and she totally lost her shit when I tried to use a stuffed pink bunny to prevent her from rolling off the couch while changing her diaper.

That was totally incomprehensible to me - I love animals.  I think they're great, they're awesome, and a house is not a home without at least one furred, finned, or feathered denizen.  The only thing I could think of was that she picked it up from her father, who really is afraid of dogs.  He has reason to be - the country he grew up in is not known for its progressive attitude toward animals and he has the scars on the back of his thigh just below his buttock to prove it.

After we separated, I moved to the country with predictable results - absolute hysteria every time she saw a dog, cat, horse, cow, sheep, whatever.  It was intolerable.

So I took the only reasonable course of action:  I got myself a cat.  Then two more were dumped on my doorstep and before I knew it, I was knee-deep in felines.  Then I got a dog - "she" was supposed to be a medium-sized dog (border collie) but "she" came with deluxe mixed nuts:  with his St John's Markings, he's clearly some kind of lab cross but he is definitely border collie too.  But he's big - oh, not to me.  To me, 65lbs and 22" high at the shoulder is just "dog" sized.  But to city dwellers with their passionate love affair with the pocket pooches, he's humongous.

Hubbie was out with friends and he called - "put the dog away, we're bringing in the shopping".  My dog is 100% not aggressive - I'm not just blowing smoke:  he's been *well* tested.  For him to actually attack, it means somebody's life is in danger.  Even the times he's been involved in dog-on-dog conflicts (which does happen in any normal dog's life), there was never any blood - just a lot of slobbered-up fur.  But he's hyper and he always goes bonkers when someone comes to the house - he's just SO DAMNED HAPPY TO SEE YOU!!!!  HI!!!! HI!!!!  RUB MY BELLY!!!! WHAT'S ON YOUR HEAD!!!!?  HEY YOU SMELL GREAT!!!!!  IS THAT SUMMER'S EVE!!??? - so yeah, if we have to go in and out and in and out bringing in bags and boxes, it's just easier to park the dog.

He came in with his friends and the shopping was stowed in the kitchen so all right, I go to let the dog out.

"Oh, I don't know," he says, "Danny [the kid, about 10yrs old] doesn't really like dogs."

Well, I'm not going to keep my dog locked up just because someone doesn't like dogs - ignore the dog, if that's your issue, I'm not forcing you to play with him.

I had just finished renovating the room I'd put the dog in and the mother came to see.  I opened the door, dog shot out like a rocket, dancing and scrabbling on the slick floor, and I hear "Oh, no - she let the dog out!!" from the father and next thing I know, this kid is going MENTAL!  Screaming, crying, slapping out at the dog (who had only been sniffing his toes), and generally acting like a fool.

Okay, harsh - but still!

My dog, now frightened and confused over what he'd done wrong, kept trying to belly up to the kid who kept striking out at him until his father picked him up and shoved my dog away with his foot.   My dog's trying to come back to me, I'm trying to get out to him, but the mother is standing in the doorway with this world-weary expression on her face saying "No, no, it's okay, it's okay, he'll be fine" and, all in all, it's just one giant clusterfuck.

Here's the thing:  YOU CANNOT ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO ACT LIKE THAT and no, I'm not going to keep my dog locked up because your child has not been taught how to behave around dogs!

Reality:  the world has dogs in it.  The world has a LOT of things in it that you, your child, or whoever, is going to find frightening or scary or gross or disgusting or whatever.

Reality:  the world does not bend to accommodate you or your child.  Maybe the school made everybody keep peanuts at home because of your kid's allergy but good luck phoning your child's boss and telling him he has to ban peanuts at work!

Reality:  being afraid of dogs, just like being allergic to peanuts, can get you hurt or killed!

Danny was lucky - my dog lives to please and he's a really great dog.  Far too many dogs out there are not.  They are not well socialized with children, they are not taught bite inhibition, and they are just plain not taught good manners.  If your child goes freaking out, panicking and squeaking and flapping and bolting off, then your child has just turned himself into prey - get a dog with a high prey drive and that dog will chase your child and take him down.  No, there's not a whole lot anybody can do about it because prey drive is not something humans have.  It's not "fear", it's not "aggression", it's simply the dog (or cat) turning into a pure hunting machine.  It's the dog *being* a dog.

How to behave around animals is, I firmly believe, something that should be taught in schools by experts.   It's not "automatically" or "instinctively" learned and it's not an innate skill.  Dogs have an entire vocabularly that, unfortunately, is very similar to humans' in appearance but not in meaning.

For example:




If your child is afraid of dogs, then as a responsible parent, you MUST get that child educated.  I'm not saying your child must become St Francis of Assissi - I don't care if your kid loves or hates animals.  But your child must learn to respect animals, to give them their space, and not become a victim.  If your child is attacked by a dog, it's the dog that will get killed for it - but I can almost guarantee that it was your child's fault.

Correction:  I can almost guarantee that it was YOUR fault for not providing your child with the tools she needs to stay safe.

We're not going to lock away all our dogs to accommodate your child and your child's life will be a miserably uncomfortable one if he spends it trying to avoid all dogs.  Teaching your child proper behaviour and self-control around dogs is the right thing to do.